Things to Think About..

Recently, I Tweeted an appreciation of a music video released recently by Thai singer/Actor Gunsmile Chanagun Arpornsutinan and GMMtv Records. Gunsmile’s been in supporting roles in over 46 Thai entertainment features, including several Thai BLs, such as SOTUS, Lovesick, and 2gether. I only recently realized that I loved his singing voice after discovering that he sang the lead for the theme song to one of the earliest Thai BL shows, Lovesick.

The song released here is ไม่มีทางออก, which translates into “No Way Out” for English-speaking audiences. It’s a great musical creation, with a unique melody, perfectly suited to Gunsmile’s voice. Albeit, the first couple stanzas just might be a bit baritone’ish for his more “tenor” vocal instrument. I liked the song so much that I even got my own copy of it.

What got my attention later was when I took the time to actually read the (well-translated) lyrics. The song seems to be about “Suicide.”

This article explicitly takes no views or assumptions on Gunsmile’s sexuality, that’s strictly his business. However, since we’ve been privileged enough to see him perform in several popular BLs, or Boys Love series, the first thing that popped into my head when I realized the implication in the lyrics from “No Way Out” was the possibility of Suicide by any of our precious LGBTQ kids, teens, and adults. In fact, I was so concerned, I posted as the very next Tweet on the LWG Twitter timeline a link to “The Trevor Project,” an organization we have here in the US to help LGBTQ kids and teens with their life issues and concomitant depression to help prevent any more heartbreaking deaths.

I’m not sounding an alarm. I’m not posting a warning, and I’m certainly not preaching. I just want us to be aware of the issue that teens trending to the gay side of the spectrum of human sexuality are 4 times more likely to attempt suicide than those who trend towards the straight side of that spectrum. While there have been numerous studies in my country regarding the daily stressors that LGBTQ youth can face here in the US, there is limited data on the LGBTQ experience in Thailand. I did discover a resource on the web written by a Thai graduate for their Thesis.

Suicidality in Thai Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Adults

Let’s also point out here that we are not condemning the song in any way, but to understand the fact that these thoughts would generally make the listener think the person behind them was severely depressed. We need to look at the lyrics (translated from the language in which Gunsmile sings the song – Thai).

The piece actually begins with the song’s Chorus in a sestet as introduction.

I wish to close my eyes and disappear

Leave everything behind

I don’t want to choose

Let other people fight

I’m ready to let go

I won’t hold on to anything

This leading section seems to set the overall tone of the song and talk of someone who has given up on life, is tired of fighting and just wants to “let go.” It’s repeated 4 times throughout the work.

I’m going to stop this here. I had some pretty long verbiage after each of these verses, all expressing a typically American opinion. I got rid of them. Our readership for LWGBlog.com and Psycho-milk.com are some of the most intelligent people on the planet. There is no need for me to go into opinion on my views of these lyrics, especially since I don’t understand nearly as much about Thai culture as I somethings think I do. I’ve read University papers authored in Thailand telling me that there are at least 18 variations on sexuality expressed in Thailand. Who the hell am I to question what I may not understand.

Read and think for yourself, and you’ll understand why I wanted to address this issue. While my opinion on the song musically, or Gunsmile’s singing here hasn’t changed, it’s hard not to think about the stories that could go along with these lyrics.

First Verse

I reach my hand out in the dark
Trying to find a way out
It seems I’m still on the wrong path
Many problems are left unresolved
Tangled, messy, no light at the end of the tunnel

Second Verse

Whenever I care about someone
I end up being a fool
Getting hurt again and again
No matter where I go, it’s wrong
Not right, not good, I’m not suitable for anyone
Like I’m in a game I cannot stop or else I die
Even if I go on, there’s nothing in the finish line

Chorus

Second Verse (repeat)

Whenever I care about someone
I end up being a fool
Getting hurt again and again
No matter where I go, it’s wrong
Not right, not good, I’m not suitable for anyone
Like I’m in a game I cannot stop or else I die
Even if I go on, there’s nothing in the finish line

Chorus

3rd Verse

Like I’m stuck in the darkness
Like I’m in a maze, desperate to get out
They say there’s a solution to every problem
No, that’s not true
Like I’m stuck in the darkness
Like I’m in a maze, desperate to get out
They say there’s a solution to every problem

Chorus

3rd Verse (repeat)

Like I’m stuck in the darkness
Like I’m in a maze, desperate to get out
They say there’s a solution to every problem
No, that’s not true
Like I’m stuck in the darkness
Like I’m in a maze, desperate to get out
They say there’s a solution to every problem
No, that’s not true

When you’re at your wit’s end, and life doesn’t seem worth living anymore, it may seem that the only way to find relief is through suicide. When you’re feeling this way, it may be hard to believe, but it does get better.

For help for LGBTQ youth, please contact The Trevor Project

The list below is courtesy of Suicide.org, and International Organization dedicated to the prevention of suicide.

I want our readers to know that you are valid, you are loved & accepted, even if you don’t see it. I want to end on hope, besides only that it gets better. Happiness is possible for LGBTQ+ Youth.

Because a hotline isn’t always enough, you need to know that someday, even on dark days, if you hold on, you will find a place where you are accepted as you are, and loved for who you are.

Thanks for reading.